Today marks the two-month anniversary of Jessica and I. Let's take this moment to review all of the problems we've overcome in the relationship.
...
Oh wait. There haven't really been any. I think there was one, once, but that's long-gone.
The thing I love most about our relationship is just that; we really don't have problems. There's nothing nagging at the back of my mind, no little imperfections that I can't stand. It's just her, and she's perfect for me. She's everything I ever wanted, and even more than that. She's an amazing friend, and the love of my life on top of that. Every other relationship had it's ups and downs, and there was always SOMETHING going wrong, but with Jessica... there just isn't anything wrong. We just live our lives, and we've become very comfortable with eachother and our relationship. And when I see her in person... it's simply amazing. We're perfect for eachother. We both love cuddling ... biting, scratching, bondage, and blood. But cuddling! =P, seriously though. When she falls asleep in my arms... it's the most comfortable thing I've ever felt, just to hold her close while we lay there. I miss her already, and I can still taste her on my lips...
Ah well. Happy anniversary, Jessica. I love you.
(And if you're reading this and you aren't Jessica, congrats! I didn't think anyone else ever did xD)
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Friday, August 15, 2008
Timing
Timing is fail. With school 4 days a week on evenings, I can't work those four days, so that leaves Friday, Saturday, and Sunday for work. However, those are the only three days I'll be able to visit Jessie between school, so when I ask off work, I'm going to be asking off an entire week, for the most part. I'm willing to try it, but it's possible that they won't like it and won't give me the time off. I want to see her at least every other week, but I don't know what my work will think about that.
So the question shall be asked... when do I see her next? I know I'm going on the weekend of November 23rd. And so if I go next weekend (August 23rd), I'll either end up taking every other week off, or I won't get to see her again for a month. Both sounds like bad ideas. But maybe if I go in TWO weeks, I'll only have to wait three weeks before I get to see her again ... I dunno, either way sounds pretty crappy =P. I need to hurry and move to Virginia.
So the question shall be asked... when do I see her next? I know I'm going on the weekend of November 23rd. And so if I go next weekend (August 23rd), I'll either end up taking every other week off, or I won't get to see her again for a month. Both sounds like bad ideas. But maybe if I go in TWO weeks, I'll only have to wait three weeks before I get to see her again ... I dunno, either way sounds pretty crappy =P. I need to hurry and move to Virginia.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Failure!
Rofl. All this planning for August 23rd, and I just noticed that it is, in fact, NOVEMBER 23rd, a Saturday. That makes things easier, gives me more time to plan, etc., but it means I have to find a good date to visit Jessie before then, because hell if I'm waiting another month. Maybe next weekend (after this one), when we had planned to visit anyway for the concert.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Longing.
I miss her. A lot. Not just because she's at camp, but I miss holding her in my arms. I miss the way her body feels pressed up against mine, the way it feels to wrap my arms around her, to taste her lips, to run my hands along her back. I miss the way it feels to wake up with her in my arms, or to just hold her. I miss her smile, her beautiful color-changing eyes, her naughty looks, her smirks. I miss the way she looks at me, and I miss simply laying there with her. I miss her ... and it sucks.
I've always been worried that once I saw her, I would miss her SO much, and it would hurt SO much, that I'd want to end things because it hurts too much. ... but that's retarded. It hurts so much because I love her so much; the more it hurts, the more I love her, and there's no way in HELL I could ever leave her. End of story.
When I was there ... we told each other we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. I don't know about her, but that meant a LOT to me... it's as good as a marriage proposal, though not official. I am never going to leave this girl. I love her too much to even consider it, and I miss her too much after only a few days to go through with it.
I really miss her ... She does have her phone this time, however, all we really get to talk through are texts, and they're slow and awkward and crappy sometimes, and I really want to hear her voice and touch her again.
To be honest, I know this isn't healthy. Twice now, for example, I've been asleep (or half-asleep), and I reach my arm over and wrap it around the blankets beside me. And it feels like she's there, so I try to reach under the blankets to actually touch her, and stroke her arm, but when I move the blankets, nothing's there. I start to wake up and panic a little, and look around, and of course she's not here, what the hell was I thinking? This has actually happened twice. It's kinda sad.
I really hope I can go see her for the SymX concert. Not only is Symphony X the coolest band EVER, but you know. She'll be there :D. I'm going to have to ask for the weekend off, and now I can only work weekends (including Fridays) because of my class schedule (6:00 classes on every day except Friday). It's not two weeks in advance, and I don't think they'll like it much, but I'll see. This is really important to me. And I kinda hope Max can make it because he'll pay for half of my gas and he's a SymX fan and he can meet Jessie and such, but it'd actually be really awkward with Max around the whole time, so I'm not sure what I want, other than wanting to be with Jessie again. Otherwise, I'm sure I'll have the cash to cover her ticket and mine and the gas, though my sister won't let me borrow her car again because I got it home kinda late last time. Here's to hoping that it all works out.
I've always been worried that once I saw her, I would miss her SO much, and it would hurt SO much, that I'd want to end things because it hurts too much. ... but that's retarded. It hurts so much because I love her so much; the more it hurts, the more I love her, and there's no way in HELL I could ever leave her. End of story.
When I was there ... we told each other we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. I don't know about her, but that meant a LOT to me... it's as good as a marriage proposal, though not official. I am never going to leave this girl. I love her too much to even consider it, and I miss her too much after only a few days to go through with it.
I really miss her ... She does have her phone this time, however, all we really get to talk through are texts, and they're slow and awkward and crappy sometimes, and I really want to hear her voice and touch her again.
To be honest, I know this isn't healthy. Twice now, for example, I've been asleep (or half-asleep), and I reach my arm over and wrap it around the blankets beside me. And it feels like she's there, so I try to reach under the blankets to actually touch her, and stroke her arm, but when I move the blankets, nothing's there. I start to wake up and panic a little, and look around, and of course she's not here, what the hell was I thinking? This has actually happened twice. It's kinda sad.
I really hope I can go see her for the SymX concert. Not only is Symphony X the coolest band EVER, but you know. She'll be there :D. I'm going to have to ask for the weekend off, and now I can only work weekends (including Fridays) because of my class schedule (6:00 classes on every day except Friday). It's not two weeks in advance, and I don't think they'll like it much, but I'll see. This is really important to me. And I kinda hope Max can make it because he'll pay for half of my gas and he's a SymX fan and he can meet Jessie and such, but it'd actually be really awkward with Max around the whole time, so I'm not sure what I want, other than wanting to be with Jessie again. Otherwise, I'm sure I'll have the cash to cover her ticket and mine and the gas, though my sister won't let me borrow her car again because I got it home kinda late last time. Here's to hoping that it all works out.
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Oh yeah.
I has a blog. I almost forgot xD.
Right, so, I went to Jessie's. It was amazing. I'm not going into details, but my managers were a little unhappy with my hickeys =P. I mean, I think she's the only one that reads this blog anyway, so I don't need details :D. Let's just say... well. It was a lot more than just something physical. My first kiss, and it was ... absolutely amazing. I'm in love with the girl, and I could never see myself with anyone else. The entire trip was just very romantic (most of the time) and ... what else can I say. Amazing.
But now comes the test. We've seen eachother, and now we're apart. What will happen? I'm a little sad, and I miss her a bit, but I think I'll be fine. I was slightly worried that it would hurt so much to leave that we wouldn't want to do it again, but even if it hurt to leave, it was absolutely fantastic to see her. I'd do it again anytime :D, most notably late August for the SymX concert.
Not too much more to say, though. I love my new necklace, though. :)
Right, so, I went to Jessie's. It was amazing. I'm not going into details, but my managers were a little unhappy with my hickeys =P. I mean, I think she's the only one that reads this blog anyway, so I don't need details :D. Let's just say... well. It was a lot more than just something physical. My first kiss, and it was ... absolutely amazing. I'm in love with the girl, and I could never see myself with anyone else. The entire trip was just very romantic (most of the time) and ... what else can I say. Amazing.
But now comes the test. We've seen eachother, and now we're apart. What will happen? I'm a little sad, and I miss her a bit, but I think I'll be fine. I was slightly worried that it would hurt so much to leave that we wouldn't want to do it again, but even if it hurt to leave, it was absolutely fantastic to see her. I'd do it again anytime :D, most notably late August for the SymX concert.
Not too much more to say, though. I love my new necklace, though. :)
Monday, August 4, 2008
Fuck yeah.
Ignore that post below. All problems SOLVED! :D!
She asked her mom, her mom said yes. My parents talked to her, everything is perfect. I'm borrowing my sister's car, which has some gas in it already (saves me money), and she let me borrow $50 just in case. I'm still gonna requisition a credit card for another just in case. My mom's reserving the hotel for me as I type this. Omgspazzing is now occuring. I can't wait! I'm not gonna be able to sleep... well. I better. I'm leaving 7 or 8 or 9 tomorrow morning, with any luck. Then I'll get there, hang out a while, then I get to see her gig, and ... I don't even know what's going to happen. I'm so excited and giddy now :D.
She asked her mom, her mom said yes. My parents talked to her, everything is perfect. I'm borrowing my sister's car, which has some gas in it already (saves me money), and she let me borrow $50 just in case. I'm still gonna requisition a credit card for another just in case. My mom's reserving the hotel for me as I type this. Omgspazzing is now occuring. I can't wait! I'm not gonna be able to sleep... well. I better. I'm leaving 7 or 8 or 9 tomorrow morning, with any luck. Then I'll get there, hang out a while, then I get to see her gig, and ... I don't even know what's going to happen. I'm so excited and giddy now :D.
Worry
Worry is atrocious, isn't it? But what would I call it ... nervousness? Anxiety/anxiousness? Anticipation? That one sounds about right.
So ... tomorrow (Wow. Holy shit. That's like ... within 24 hours o.O), I'm going to go see Jessica, theoretically. If her mom says yes. Of course, she also has to tell her mom that I am in fact 18, not the 17 she told her before, and also that she met me on the internet, not at a skating rink. If, after this, her mom says yes, then my parents want to talk to hers, and then all SHOULD be well. Assuming my mom's hotel has an open room near there. There are a few concerns of mine... most notably...
Money. I had about $200 when we first planned this, more than enough even if I were taking the truck. Now, I'm taking my sister's Honda, which gets (supposedly) 34 MPG. I'll be driving without AC (to save gas/money), so I might get more, and I'll be driving at the speed limit for the same reason. So theoretically, at $3.69 per gallon, driving 614 miles round trip, with $25 a night for two nights at a hotel, the grand total is $116.42. That's really not bad. However, recounting my money, I've come to $166. Again, not bad. But that's assuming I withdraw $40 of the $44 from my checking, and I'm not sure how smart of an idea that is. Also, this is assuming that the days off I applied for ... are actually given to me. And this is assuming that we can get my dentist appointment properly rescheduled. Either way, that leaves me about $50 after necessary gas and somewhere to sleep. So that doesn't seem so great, but... eh.
What do I need, anyway? Food, mostly. McDonald's cheeseburgers every day or something =P, as long as I skip on fries and get my own drinks (2L's), I should be able to survive. I'm a pretty smart shopper. Other than that ... what? A bouquet of flowers? As much as I'd love to, I can't properly afford something like that =(. Sorry Jessie! I do almost feel like I'm not doing enough, sometimes. Like I don't really deserve her, unless I treat her absolutely perfectly, and I know this whole situation is stressing her the hell out. But hopefully we'll both be absurdly happy when we meet, so it'll be okay :D.
Also, as a backup plan, I hope to ask for my parents' credit card just in case something bad happens and I find myself needing some cash to survive, or make it home.
I have another worry; what if her mom won't let us see each other much? Knowing I have a car and a hotel room, she might not let Jessie go anywhere with me. That would suck. We wouldn't get any alone time, and, well, yeah. It's not like we have plans to do anything sexual, but at least a kiss =P.
At any rate. This is a HUGE occurrence in my life. In fact, the single most important thing that I've ever done. I really hope things go smoothly so we can see about doing it again sometime relatively soon. And I'm really nervous and anxious about it, in a good way. I mean, I AM going to be alone, without anything, in a town I know nothing about, with very little cash (of course, I'll be less alone when she's around =P, but there WILL be times when we won't be together). That's nerve wracking, not to mention I get to meet the girl of my dreams, the love of my life. And her parents.
And that was a fun rant about the worries!
Now a list of things I CAN'T forget to bring:
Contacts & Stuff
Deodorant
Clothes (xD)
Phone Charger
Birthday Gift (I still owe her one :D)
Extra Shirt (She said she's stealing one xD)
MP3 player (To avoid EPIC boredom)
Toothbrush & Toothpaste
D&D Books (... if I ever actually pull these out, she has full permission to slap me. But just in case she wants to learn in person)
Guitar Hero Guitar (We might actually play this =P)
So ... tomorrow (Wow. Holy shit. That's like ... within 24 hours o.O), I'm going to go see Jessica, theoretically. If her mom says yes. Of course, she also has to tell her mom that I am in fact 18, not the 17 she told her before, and also that she met me on the internet, not at a skating rink. If, after this, her mom says yes, then my parents want to talk to hers, and then all SHOULD be well. Assuming my mom's hotel has an open room near there. There are a few concerns of mine... most notably...
Money. I had about $200 when we first planned this, more than enough even if I were taking the truck. Now, I'm taking my sister's Honda, which gets (supposedly) 34 MPG. I'll be driving without AC (to save gas/money), so I might get more, and I'll be driving at the speed limit for the same reason. So theoretically, at $3.69 per gallon, driving 614 miles round trip, with $25 a night for two nights at a hotel, the grand total is $116.42. That's really not bad. However, recounting my money, I've come to $166. Again, not bad. But that's assuming I withdraw $40 of the $44 from my checking, and I'm not sure how smart of an idea that is. Also, this is assuming that the days off I applied for ... are actually given to me. And this is assuming that we can get my dentist appointment properly rescheduled. Either way, that leaves me about $50 after necessary gas and somewhere to sleep. So that doesn't seem so great, but... eh.
What do I need, anyway? Food, mostly. McDonald's cheeseburgers every day or something =P, as long as I skip on fries and get my own drinks (2L's), I should be able to survive. I'm a pretty smart shopper. Other than that ... what? A bouquet of flowers? As much as I'd love to, I can't properly afford something like that =(. Sorry Jessie! I do almost feel like I'm not doing enough, sometimes. Like I don't really deserve her, unless I treat her absolutely perfectly, and I know this whole situation is stressing her the hell out. But hopefully we'll both be absurdly happy when we meet, so it'll be okay :D.
Also, as a backup plan, I hope to ask for my parents' credit card just in case something bad happens and I find myself needing some cash to survive, or make it home.
I have another worry; what if her mom won't let us see each other much? Knowing I have a car and a hotel room, she might not let Jessie go anywhere with me. That would suck. We wouldn't get any alone time, and, well, yeah. It's not like we have plans to do anything sexual, but at least a kiss =P.
At any rate. This is a HUGE occurrence in my life. In fact, the single most important thing that I've ever done. I really hope things go smoothly so we can see about doing it again sometime relatively soon. And I'm really nervous and anxious about it, in a good way. I mean, I AM going to be alone, without anything, in a town I know nothing about, with very little cash (of course, I'll be less alone when she's around =P, but there WILL be times when we won't be together). That's nerve wracking, not to mention I get to meet the girl of my dreams, the love of my life. And her parents.
And that was a fun rant about the worries!
Now a list of things I CAN'T forget to bring:
Contacts & Stuff
Deodorant
Clothes (xD)
Phone Charger
Birthday Gift (I still owe her one :D)
Extra Shirt (She said she's stealing one xD)
MP3 player (To avoid EPIC boredom)
Toothbrush & Toothpaste
D&D Books (... if I ever actually pull these out, she has full permission to slap me. But just in case she wants to learn in person)
Guitar Hero Guitar (We might actually play this =P)
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