Longing.

I miss her. A lot. Not just because she's at camp, but I miss holding her in my arms. I miss the way her body feels pressed up against mine, the way it feels to wrap my arms around her, to taste her lips, to run my hands along her back. I miss the way it feels to wake up with her in my arms, or to just hold her. I miss her smile, her beautiful color-changing eyes, her naughty looks, her smirks. I miss the way she looks at me, and I miss simply laying there with her. I miss her ... and it sucks.
I've always been worried that once I saw her, I would miss her SO much, and it would hurt SO much, that I'd want to end things because it hurts too much. ... but that's retarded. It hurts so much because I love her so much; the more it hurts, the more I love her, and there's no way in HELL I could ever leave her. End of story.
When I was there ... we told each other we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. I don't know about her, but that meant a LOT to me... it's as good as a marriage proposal, though not official. I am never going to leave this girl. I love her too much to even consider it, and I miss her too much after only a few days to go through with it.

I really miss her ... She does have her phone this time, however, all we really get to talk through are texts, and they're slow and awkward and crappy sometimes, and I really want to hear her voice and touch her again.

To be honest, I know this isn't healthy. Twice now, for example, I've been asleep (or half-asleep), and I reach my arm over and wrap it around the blankets beside me. And it feels like she's there, so I try to reach under the blankets to actually touch her, and stroke her arm, but when I move the blankets, nothing's there. I start to wake up and panic a little, and look around, and of course she's not here, what the hell was I thinking? This has actually happened twice. It's kinda sad.

I really hope I can go see her for the SymX concert. Not only is Symphony X the coolest band EVER, but you know. She'll be there :D. I'm going to have to ask for the weekend off, and now I can only work weekends (including Fridays) because of my class schedule (6:00 classes on every day except Friday). It's not two weeks in advance, and I don't think they'll like it much, but I'll see. This is really important to me. And I kinda hope Max can make it because he'll pay for half of my gas and he's a SymX fan and he can meet Jessie and such, but it'd actually be really awkward with Max around the whole time, so I'm not sure what I want, other than wanting to be with Jessie again. Otherwise, I'm sure I'll have the cash to cover her ticket and mine and the gas, though my sister won't let me borrow her car again because I got it home kinda late last time. Here's to hoping that it all works out.